the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
