I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
