I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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