I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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