I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
