chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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