you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
