so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
