how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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