His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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