So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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