I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
