p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
