I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
should my penis look like a turkey
i came on her dog
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
