90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
