he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
a search helicopter?!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
