Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize