i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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