I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Never underestimate the power of titties
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