Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
