Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
