So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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