can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
