She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
