how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
