I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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