Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
