took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize