can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I need moral support for this bender
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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