Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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