Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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