I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize