I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
