It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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