did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
