LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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