I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
