Michael Bay diarrhea
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize