My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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