So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
