i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
