Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
