As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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