Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
