woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
