it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
