so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
