$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
