im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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