She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
