I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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