I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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