not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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