How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
