So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
