Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
