Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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