we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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