They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
