You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
