so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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