hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I pour the whiskey from now on
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
