God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
my poor anus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
