I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
