I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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