help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
