He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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