Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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