Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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