Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
