i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
