Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
