Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
there is glitter all over my balls
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
