The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize