Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
