Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
