Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
