I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
