I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
